My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
