I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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