No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
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i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
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A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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