I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
