Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
