So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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