he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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