Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
