I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
