I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
