Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
