also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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