Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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