He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
