don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
