a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
