the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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