I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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