someone get that fucking seahorse.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
