I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
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