When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
