Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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