you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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