Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
