If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
