im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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