I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
