That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize