fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
