last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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