I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
