It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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