Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
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You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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