So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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