party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
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