When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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