3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
