A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
