direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
