i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
