You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
