I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
