HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
