Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML

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  (202): i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML http://tfl.nu/7ngy
  Replies (4) Good night (1132) Bad night (494)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"

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  (610): my new favorite insult= "thundercunt" http://tfl.nu/7c82
  Replies (48) Good night (4129) Bad night (630)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera

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  (215): I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera http://tfl.nu/ivkx
  Replies (40) Good night (895) Bad night (2655)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???

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  (407): I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms??? http://tfl.nu/7lb6
  Replies (32) Good night (5271) Bad night (731)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb

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  (856): you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb http://tfl.nu/benk
  Replies (34) Good night (4154) Bad night (1035)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend

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  (703): Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend http://tfl.nu/gm3r
  Replies (31) Good night (730) Bad night (3735)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.

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  (603): Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me. http://tfl.nu/c00l
  Replies (26) Good night (5952) Bad night (1371)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week

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  (603): there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week http://tfl.nu/fflq
  Replies (5) Good night (3105) Bad night (829)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.

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  (561): She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal. http://tfl.nu/us8h
  Replies (3) Good night (1751) Bad night (616)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds

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  (914): I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds http://tfl.nu/eevd
  Replies (4) Good night (1194) Bad night (1244)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends

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  (440): I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends http://tfl.nu/0e7c
  Replies (22) Good night (1832) Bad night (1721)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."

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  (570): Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could." http://tfl.nu/hbr4
  Replies (2) Good night (488) Bad night (766)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  50% drunk capacity currently

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  (402): 50% drunk capacity currently http://tfl.nu/1j9a
  Replies (1) Good night (405) Bad night (237)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.

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  (816): My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest. http://tfl.nu/ifrd
  Replies (8) Good night (195) Bad night (544)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too

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  (731): Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too http://tfl.nu/4c0u
  Replies (8) Good night (1123) Bad night (432)

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