Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
