he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
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You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
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Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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