i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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