Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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