Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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