he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
