When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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