It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
