I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
