I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
