Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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