i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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