At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize