Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
