You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
