What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just puked most of my soul out..
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