He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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