note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
