I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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