I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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