ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
