You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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