all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
