i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
