I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
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someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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