It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
