Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's shark week go big or go home
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
